Feed Me, Don't Feed Me
by ScarletFate1241
Summary: People always asked if Gilbert was happy. Just like always, he said yes. But he wasn't. Gilbert hated himself so much; he couldn't even look in the mirror without wanting to cry. But soon it would all be over. Soon he would love himself. He only needed to lose a few more pounds.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer** **: I don't own Hetalia.**

 **Story Warnings** **: Depression, cutting/self-harm, Eating Disorder, and abuse.**

 **Chapter Rating** **: T**

 **Chapter Warning(s)** **: Cursing and mildly inappropriate language.**

 **Notes : Simon is one of Denmark's many human names.**

* * *

Gilbert groaned loudly as his alarm clock rang. He smashed the button, turning the annoying device off. Why was it even on, anyway? Wasn't it still Spring Break? "Bruder," Ludwig called, "breakfast is ready!" Gilbert groaned again and answered, "Five more min-u-u-u-tes. It's Spring Break."

"Spring Break was over yesterday! Today we have school," came the angered reply.

Gilbert choked on his own spit and shot out of bed, screaming, "Crap!" He ran to the bathroom and quickly did his morning routine. After the chaos was over, Gilbert sprinted down the stairs. Breakfast today was a simple platter of toast, eggs, and liver wurst. Four plates were served on the table. Gilbert counted the plates and how many people lived in their home over and over in his head. "Hey, Ludwig. Why did you make extra?" The youngest of the two sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Have you already forgotten that our friends are staying with us for the rest of the month?" Gilbert made an "o" shape with his mouth. He _did_ forget that Roderich and Elizabeta were staying over. Their houses were being remodeled, and they didn't want to stay at a cheap motel that had pillows full of pigeon feathers. Gilbert was absolutely _thrilled_. He was _such good friends_ with Roderich. The best part? Elizabeta was Gilbert's ex and Roderich was _dating_ her now. However, Gilbert was much too awesome to feel awkward.

Gilbert didn't want to eat with his "guests" (he was too awesome for them) so he settled on a single piece of toast. He grabbed his backpack before leaving the house. Ludwig didn't ask any questions, because it was a common thing for his older brother to do. It was quite worrying at first, but Gilbert made up for his lost nutrition with extra lunch.

Gilbert made his way to school with his best friends Antonio and Francis. For some reason, they were talking about Francis' beard. "Francis," Gilbert said, "you look like some old hag that was left back thirty-seven times."

"Mind you! The ladies think I'm totally sexy!"

"What ladies?" Antonio asked. The entire group burst out laughing. Antonio abruptly stopped, "No, seriously. What ladies?"

Gilbert ignored Antonio, "You won't ever get a girlfriend with a sasquatch anus on your chin."

"Shut up!" Francis was getting defensive, "Enough about me. Looks like you gained a few pounds there, eh?" Gilbert made a confused face. "What do you mean? This is all muscle!" Antonio agreed with the frenchman, "Actually, I think he's right. Muscle and fat are very different!" Gilbert blushed and turned his head away from his friends. Did he really gain weight? He sighed. He was going to have to exercise more with Ludwig; he _had_ been slacking off.

In ten minutes the threesome had entered into Hetalia High's campus. Sadly, they had to be separated until fifth period lunch. The teachers knew from experience not to let the boys be in the same classroom together. Not even their lockers were at a close range.

Gilbert walked to his locker like a sneaky-ass ninja. Nobody knew this, but the teenager was being consistently harassed by other students. This is the reason why he always tried to come to school early; so he wouldn't have to face them. At first, their pathetic words didn't hurt. They still don't. But if the "leader" of the group was ticked, Gilbert would often get beaten up. He couldn't afford to harm his beautiful face! _Even though I don't actually think I'm that much of an eyesore._

When Gilbert reached his first period class, he saw that a few of his classmates were already there. Kiku was sitting at the front desk while peacefully reading a manga. Natalia was seated two desks behind Kiku. Gilbert's friend, Matthew, was sitting all the way in the back. Matthew smiled and waved, and Gilbert acknowledged it with a cheesy grin. The red-eyed boy sat down in his seat. He boredly eyed the front door and watched as people came in. The classroom was filled in a short amount of time. The teacher grabbed his clipboard and jotted something down. Gilbert sighed, instead focusing his attention on the teacher's desk. There was a medieval calendar and a nametag that read "Mr. Kirkland". "Alright, now that I've gotten everything set, why don't we begin class?"

* * *

When first period was almost over, Alfred thought it would be a good idea to start a conversation. He leaned over to Gilbert and whispered, "Um, dude? Is it just me or did you totally gain a few pounds?" Gilbert had to stop himself from shouting in exasperation. "Fuck! You too?" Alfred raised an eyebrow. "It's just . . . you look kinda chubby compared to the last time I saw you!" Okay, maybe Gilbert hadn't exactly exercised at all during break - and maybe he had eaten lots of unhealthy foods - but you don't just suddenly gain weight so quickly in seven days! Alfred had lost weight, too. Gilbert couldn't retort with a classic fat joke when he himself was on the heavy side. That would be incredibly retarted. "Gilbert!" A voice suddenly yelled. Gilbert turned around, only to meet the eyes of a very pissed, very British language arts teacher. "Balls," Gilbert mumbled. It was the first day since break, and he already managed to get into trouble. "Do you know the answer to my question?" Gilbert gulped, "U-uh I didn't really hear it."

"Well, if you were actually paying attention, you would have heard it! Were you paying attention?"

Gilbert had to choose between lying or telling the truth. In all honesty, he would embarrass himself either way. "Yes, sir! I was paying attention." "Then answer it."

No words could describe Gilbert's situation better than "oh shit".

"Uh . . . Hamlet?"

Mr. Kirkland smiled and said, "That is absolutely wrong!" The entire classroom erupted in laughter. Gilbert blushed deeply. He had never felt so embarrassed before. The teacher asked another question, "Can someone else tell me? Ah, yes Simon? In a complete sentence, please."

"Romeo falls in love with Juliet. Not Hamlet." A few kids giggled. A person near Gilbert muttered, "Idiot."

Oh.

He _was_ an idiot, wasn't he?

Gilbert bit his lip until the laughter died down. Finally, class had ended. Gilbert hurriedly picked up his books and made his way to the door. He was about to escape to the hallway, but some unknown force pushed his items onto the floor. Gilbert knelt down to pick up the dropped objects, but was prevented from doing so when a dirty shoe stomped onto his only pencil, efficiently snapping it in half. "Good luck finding something to write with for our next class," a snarky voice said. Gilbert picked up his things and left the awful room. Mr. Kirkland only watched the scene unfold before him, getting quite entertained. It's what Gilbert gets for not paying attention. Karma's a bitch.

The next class Gilbert had was math. He absolutely needed a pencil for that, since the math instructor found it unacceptable to use broken writing materials. Plus, the teacher was pretty strict and would give Gilbert complete hell if he came unprepared. Don't you just love school?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer** **: I don't own Hetalia.**

 **Story Warnings** **: Depression, cutting/self-harm, Eating Disorder, and abuse.**

 **Chapter Rating** **: T**

 **Chapter Warning(s)** **: Cursing and mildly inappropriate language.**

 **Notes : I didn't want any original Hetalia characters to be the bullies, so you can imagine how they look however you want. I literally just visualize them as those unidentified anime characters with no faces. **

* * *

Gilbert was sprinting down the hallways of the school building. If he was fast enough, he could ask one of his buddies to lend him a pencil for his math class. He already asked Matthew, but he didn't have any extra writing utensils to give (Alfred's dog, Tony, ate them).

Luckily, Elizabeta was close by. She was closing her locker and getting ready to leave. Elizabeta saw Gilbert from the corner of her eye and stared at him with a surprised expression on her face. The surprise melted into horror, causing Gilbert to hesitate coming any closer to her. Was she that disgusted to see him? For a split second, he was able to understand why. Who would want to lay eyes on a fat, greasy, self-centered pig? The thought was immediately swept away. That was ridiculous. He was awesome! Yeah . . .

Gilbert was swimming in a pool of confusion as his body banged onto the ground. The air in his lungs completely left his body. Gilbert rolled to the side and sat up, gasping and coughing for oxygen. Some of Gilbert's folders opened during the impact, so his papers were scattered around him. All of the students ignored the teen on the ground. They stepped on Gilbert's exposed papers and even his hands. He hoped with all of his heart that his math papers were left unharmed.

Elizabeta looked down at Gilbert when he finally caught his breath. She sighed and shook her head, apologizing for the person who tripped him before walking away.

Wait. Someone tripped him?

Whoever it was, they were long gone now. And so was everyone else, since second period had already started.

Gilbert bit the inside of his cheek and scowled at the ceiling. He got on his knees to pick up his papers. Gilbert's eyes widened, dread filling his chest. His math homework was covered in dirty footprints and uneven creases. This would not sit well with his teacher. At all.

* * *

Before Gilbert opened the door, he took a deep breath. He thought about ditching school, but Ludwig would be pissed as fuck when he found out. It wasn't like Gilbert couldn't try to keep it a secret - it was that Ludwig _always_ found out, no matter what. The kid had supernatural powers!

Gilbert pushed aside his idiotic thoughts and focused on the metal door nob he was holding. How many people touched this nob before him? How many washed their hands? How many were guys? How many were girls? How many were neither boy nor girl, but a human who possessed great power over the simple idea of gender? With great power comes great responsibility. His Uncle Ben said that before he kicked the bucket. Ha. _Bucket_.

FOCUS, DAMNIT!

Gilbert twisted the nob and entered the room. Everyone, including the teacher, stared at him. The teacher crossed his arms and calmly stated, "You are late."

"Sorry Mr. Wang," Gilbert bit his lip, awaiting his teacher's reaction. Mr. Wang sighed and nonchalantly said, "Do not let it happen again. Sit down and take out a pencil." Gilbert slid over to his desk. He avoided Mr. Wang's expecting gaze by looking at his fidgeting hands. "Well, Gilbert?" Gilbert gulped and mumbled something the teacher could not make out. "Speak up, please."

"I . . . um . . . don't have a pencil, Sir."

Mr. Wang scratched the back of his head and said through slightly gritted teeth, "That is fine. You could borrow one of mine. Now take out your homework."

Gilbert was so close to bawling like a baby just shit its diaper. Weird comparison, but it shows how stressed, nervous, and _humiliated_ he was at the moment. Gilbert was the baby who shit his pants!

 _Stop with the shitty comparisons, brain!_

Gilbert nearly laughed at his own pun.

Key word: _nearly_. He took out his ruined math assignment and set it on the surface of his desk, feeling quite ashamed. Mr. Wang slammed his hand on Gilbert's desk and glared darkly. "You get detention and will," Mr. Wang balled up the homework with a curl of his fingers, "receive no credit for this, either."

Mr. Wang threw the paper in the trash bin placed on the side of his desk and continued with the lesson.

* * *

The bell for lunch echoed through the building. Gilbert got in the lunch line, eager to fill the growling pit in his stomach. He piled mountains of different foods onto his plastic tray and paid for his wonderful meal. Gilbert went over to where Francis and Antonio were sitting and stuffed a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. Francis raised his eyebrow questionably at the amount of food his friend had. The latter noticed and swallowed the clump of potatoes. Burping, he said, "I didn't eat much breakfast this morning." Francis was pleased to get an answer, but shook his head disapprovingly. "You need to eat properly! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

"Did you get that from a poster?" Antonio cut in. The group cracked up, and Antonio stopped suddenly, "I swear I read that on a poster somewhere!"

Francis and Gilbert ignored him. Antonio shrugged and started singing about tomatoes in Spanish. Gilbert distinctly remembered buying Antonio a pack of tomato seeds for Christmas. Antonio was so happy he cried! Those were some good times.

Unfortunately, all good times must come to an end. Gilbert didn't know that the end of his happiness was only a step away. Soon he would be on a dark path full of torture and sorrow. Yet he would be empty.

"Gilbert!" Someone shouted angrily. It was Mr. Wang.

 _Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!_

"You are supposed to be at the detention table! Go sit over there right now!" Francis and Antonio suppressed their giggles, watching as Gilbert trudged over to the detention table. Mr. Wang didn't like the idea of his students eating in his classroom, so he had a table in the cafeteria reserved for situations such as Gilbert's. He believed secluding the delinquent child was the best punishment.

Gilbert really didn't want to be alive at the moment. He so badly wished for that cool invisibility trick the Viners used to do all the time. Did they still do it? Whatever. He had more important things to worry about! For example, trying not to draw too much attention to himself. For once.

"What the _hell_?" Someone said. Gilbert pushed the food in his mouth to the side of his cheek and looked up with an eyebrow quirked. "If you eat like that, it's no wonder you're fat. What a pig." Gilbert swallowed. He grit his teeth and strengthened his grip on the plastic fork he was holding. Gilbert was _not_ in the mood to deal with these assnuggets. "Shut. The fuck. Up."

"Aw, the chubby wittle pig thinks his squealing will intimidated us. How pathetic!"

Gilbert grabbed a fistful of mashed potatoes and threw them at the bully who mocked him. The potatoes slid off of his face and landed on the floor with a splat. He smiled psychoticly and growled, "You're gonna pay for that, you fat son of a bitch."

He grabbed the tray of a passing girl and aimed straight for Gilbert's face. Gilbert dodged it and it went flying outside of the window. "What the hell? IS THIS TODAY'S LUNCH?!"

From the distance Alfred shook Kiku and said, "Dude, dude! They're throwing food over there!"

"Oh my. Shall we report this to a teacher?"

"Whoa, are you kidding me?! This is just like in the movies! I've always wanted to do this!"

Alfred climbed on top of the table and cupped his hands like a makeshift megaphone.

"Alfred-san I don't think-"

"FOOD FIGHT!"

The entire cafeteria was silenced. A boy shouted amidst the quiet, "Are you nuts?"

The teenagers went back to eating like nothing ever happened. Alfred sat back in his seat dejectedly. Kiku pat the blonde's back.

* * *

"I am very disappointed in you, Gilbert. And here I thought you were improving," Principal Himaruya lectured. "Sorry, Sir," Gilbert apologized under his breath.

"Ya'know, my parents wanted me to become a doctor. But I became a principal instead. They were very disappointed in me, as well. I might be even more disappointed than my disappointed parents."

Gilbert didn't bother pointing out the amount of times Principal Himaruya said the word "disappointed."

The principal sighed and continued, "Is everything okay?" The question caught Gilbert off guard. He nodded regardless. Principal Hima licked his lips and went on, "Today just isn't your day, huh? You've caused a lot of mischief to this school. Some of which are reason to suspend you. But I'm a nice guy, so I wouldn't do that . . ."

Hima paused and smiled, " _B-u-u-u-t_ I can still give you a week's worth of afterschool detention!"

Gilbert sat up. The principal gafawed. "Haha. Gets 'em every time! I was just kidding, you're free to go! Just don't do this kinda stuff again, alright buddy?" Gilbert nodded and left the room. He always felt that Principal Himaruya was like his dad. But that was just outrageous.

Since his talk with the principal lasted a few minutes passed the end of the school day, Gilbert had to go back to his locker. He thought about what happened in the cafeteria and cursed that stupid bully for being a liar. He said Gilbert had given him and his friends a terrifying threat and ruthlessly attacked them with food. Of course, the adult believed the lie over the truth. Was it so crazy of an idea for Gilbert to be the innocent one?

. . . Probably.

Gilbert dialed his locker combination and opened it up. The mirror that he keeps on the back of the door glinted in the artificial light of the hallway. Gilbert kept the mirror so he could see his awesome face, but at the moment that wasn't what he was planning to do. He bit his lip and leaned closer to the mirror. Gilbert squeezed his cheeks repeatedly. He straightened his back and turned so his side was visible in the mirror. The teen squeezed his stomach and pushed it in, thinking of what people said to him about his weight recently.

 _Looks like you gained a few pounds there, eh?_

 _Muscle and fat are very different!_

 _Is it just me or did you totally gain a few pounds?_

 _If you eat like that, it's no wonder you're fat._

 _What a pig._

 _. . . You fat son of a bitch_.

Gilbert was about to scan more of his chubby, fat, disgusting body, when he heard a clatter and a roll. One of the school's janitors had dropped her broom, picked it up, then walked on. She nodded at Gilbert as a greeting then got back to work. Gilbert collected his things from his locker, making sure to take the mirror with him. No need for that; it would just remind him how fat he was. He needed to dispose of it. Maybe he should jog on the way back? It wasn't like he could take the bus. Plus, jogging burned calories. Maybe he could try to eat less, too? Gilbert knew about eating disorders, but it wasn't like he had one. He was only cutting down on some food and exercising. He wasn't going to take it too far - he'll stop once he loses enough weight, he decided.

* * *

When Gilbert got home, it was already seven o'clock in the afternoon. He got lost more than once on his way to the house. Ludwig had already finished preparing for dinner and was serving the fourth plate of food. Gilbert hastily said, "H-hey! Not so much! I ate a lot of stuff with Toni and Francis." Ludwig squinted his eyes at his older brother suspiciously, though he ended up giving Gilbert a smaller portion of food than usual. Gilbert ate all of his food and ran upstairs to his room. He had a _lot_ of homework to do.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer** **: I don't own Hetalia.**

 **Story Warnings** **: Depression, cutting/self-harm, Eating Disorder, and abuse.**

 **Chapter Rating** **: T**

 **Chapter Warning(s)** **: Cursing, sexual advances, nightmares, mildly triggering content, and mildly inappropriate language.**

 **Notes** **: Who woulda thought that I'd actually update! I'm so sorry about ignoring this story, I'm writing so many others right now and school's a bitch. Also, i** **f there is a Hetalia character with the name Kaito/Kai, that person is not the one who is mentioned in this chapter.**

 _ **Bold, italicized words are Gilbert's text messages.**_

 ** _Bold, italicized, underlined words are people who Gilbert is interacting with in a text._**

* * *

 _Gilbert was floating in an endless sea of black. He was content, just lying atop the sticky goop and staring at the grey, cloudless sky. Gilbert closed his eyes, taking in the comforting atmosphere. It was a nice change of pace_ _-_ _a way to escape the merciless outside world. Then, breaking through the quiet, was a voice that faintly whispered, "You are disgusting."_

 _Gilbert's eyelids snapped open. "You are stupid," the voice repeated._

 _Gilbert moved his lips to speak, but somehow, he could not say a word. He wanted to prove the whisper wrong; to tell it to shut up. "You are a failure."_

 _The black sludge started to wrap itself around Gilbert's bare torso. He tried to fight back by lifting his arms, but they, too, were held captive by the obsidian glue. Gilbert screamed. His voice was not heard. As Gilbert sunk deeper and deeper into the evil liquid, more whispers chanted, "Disgusting. Stupid. Failure. Disgusting! Stupid! Failure!"_

 _When his entire body was engulfed, the chanting stopped. All was silent again. Gilbert hugged himself. It was very, very cold. Gilbert swam around aimlessly, enjoying the fact that the voices left him alone. A white mask appeared in front of Gilbert's face suddenly, causing him to gasp in surprise. The mask had an eerie smile on it. It seemed harmless, so Gilbert ignored it. That was, until the mask said, "You must be freezing."_

 _Gilbert hesitantly nodded his head. The mask continued, "You must be freezing." Gilbert did not answer a second time. There was something wrong with it. It kept repeating the same sentence over and over again, "You must be freezing." Then, it melted, its white wax staining the black. Gilbert bobbed up to the surface, because the white tendrils pushed him out. This time, the goo felt like flesh and was very pale. "You must be hungry," said a disembodied voice._

 _Another that sounded much like his own answered, "Yes, but I can't eat. Just look at me." Gilbert looked down. The goo was flesh, and it was his. All of it was his stomach. He had so many folds, so, so many. Gilbert wanted to spew. The mask stretched out of his mountain of skin and said, "You must be freezing."_

A wave of hunger awoke Gilbert from his slumber. Gilbert sat up, a sheen of sweat visible on his face. He tentatively got out of bed and trudged to the bathroom that was built into his room. He did not bother to turn on the lights - surely, he would be blinded! Gilbert just stared into the mirror and squeezed his cheeks, along with the bottom of his chin. His stomach growled, demanding food.

Gilbert sighed, trying to shake away the feeling of uneasiness. He did not remember the dream, but he remembered what that creepy mask whispered without stopping. Gilbert exited his room, a bowl of cereal picturing itself in his mind. Once he finished making the food, he munched on it a bit. It was healthy cereal; bran, to be exact. Obviously neglecting food was a one-time thing that he would be unable to do if he wanted to lose weight. When Gilbert made his seemingly eternal trek back to his room, he heard some conversation coming from Ludwig's room. Gilbert smirked. What was his little brother doing so late at night? Gilbert put his ear to the door softly, attempting to eavesdrop.

"Yes, yes. I'll give you the money tomorrow. Thank you."

Gilbert sprinted as fast and as quietly as he could back to his room. He jumped on his bed and thought about what Ludwig was doing. Why was he talking about money? Did he owe someone some cash? Nothing in his brain connected the puzzle pieces together. Gilbert shrugged his shoulders and closed his eyes. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. Maybe he could squeeze in spying on his younger sibling into his schedule. Maybe was an understatement. He would definitely do it.

* * *

"So that is how I lost my beard," Francis finished his story. Antonio was awestruck, while Gilbert was confused. Antonio beamed, "It's not your fault! Don't worry about it."

"What do you mean it 'wasn't his fault?'" Gilbert loudly stated, "He literally plucked it out himself."

"Oui, and I regret it! It was such a nice beard," Francis whined. Gilbert rolled his eyes. As his two friends babbled on about a useless topic, Gilbert's conscious drifted to what he had eaten for breakfast that morning. Gilbert was planning on having some more bran cereal, but Ludwig had food set on the table. Ludwig spent so much time making it, and (it may not have shown physically) Gilbert knew that he was proud of himself. Gilbert ate it all and even asked for seconds.

At the time, Gilbert felt good about satisfying the cook. It was like he was doing something nice for a change. But now, he regretted devouring so many fatty foods.

"Mi amigo, are you okay?" Antonio inquired. Gilbert forced a smile and shouted, "Just as awesome as always!" Thankfully, they were in the school before anyone could ask any more questions. The silver-haired teen gently placed his hand over his stomach, biting his bottom lip. He would just have to exercise a lot to burn off the calories that his body consumed. He unlocked his locker and took out his books. Gilbert tried his best to ignore the mirror and shut the locker before he went to class.

Like always, class was boring. Especially when Mr. Kirkland was your teacher. Gilbert wouldn't admit it, but he was slightly intimidated by the thought that his teacher might embarrass him again. Gilbert ceased paying attention for a few seconds, but tuned in just in time to hear Mr. Kirkland say, ". . . We will be going to the library to use the computers for this project." Gilbert held back the groan building up in his throat. In moments, the students were lined up at the door, ready to leave.

The library was quite a large room in the school. Gilbert briefly wondered if anyone got lost in it and had to stay overnight because everyone forgot about them. If that were to actually happen, Gilbert would probably be the one who was forgotten. It's not like anyone in that godforsaken school gave a damn about him. Gilbert chewed his inner cheek. No, people cared about him.

 _No, they do not._

Yes. Yes, they do.

Gilbert pushed away his negative thoughts and, for the first time ever, focused on the directions Mr. Kirkland was giving. Well, he barely focused, but he at least understood the gist of what the teacher was saying. Gilbert typed away on his computer. He wasn't searching anything relevant to the work, though.

 **"How to lose weight fast."** was entered in the search bar. Instantly, the teenager got thousands of results. He didn't feel like scrolling through the different web links, so he clicked on the first one. The website told him simple things; things that he might actually be able to follow.

1\. Eat vegetables.

 _Duh. Everybody knows that._

2\. Drink lots of water!

 _When was the last time I drank water?_

3\. Get tempting foods out of your home.

 _That'll be hard. I'm not the only one who lives there._

4\. Stay busy, you don't want to eat just because you're bored.

 _Should I do my homework? Ha ha. No way._

5\. Eat only from a plate, while seated at a table.

 _What the hell does that even mean?_

6\. **Don't skip meals.**

Gilbert grabbed his notebook and a pen so he could jot down the important information. He smiled, thinking about how great he'd look with a muscular, fit body. He was extremely excited for the results! Skipping meals was a no-go. Under the sixth step, there was a small paragraph written. He didn't want to read it - too much work. "What are you doing your report on, Gilbert?" Mr. Kirkland asked from behind him. Gilbert nearly screamed. Mr. Kirkland leaned over his shoulder to get a better view of the image on the screen. "Ah, are you doing it on diets?"

Gilbert nervously replied, "Uh . . . y-yeah! Diets! That's what I'm doing my report on."

"Why? That topic is not even on the list," Mr. Kirkland smirked. _For the love of the holy potato - this guy is such a dick!_

"This is supposed to be an individual assignment about the history of European languages! If you cannot work on this by yourself, I will have to give you a partner." Mr. Kirkland looked around the room, analyzing the faces of his many students. "Ye! Why don't you come here and work with Gilbert. I'm sure you two will get along splendidly."

Gilbert wanted to stab the blond man with his pencil. It was like Mr. Kirkland _knew_ that Ye bullied Gilbert on a daily basis. He wasn't the ring leader, but he was most certainly an asshole. Ye grinned, "Yessir! I'd be happy to work with him."

 _Shut the fuck up you bitch-faced, potato-shit, dick-lord._ Gilbert seethed within the walls of his mind.

Ye comfortably sat in the seat next to Gilbert, keeping on his fake smile until Mr. Kirkland was gone. "Hey there, Gil."

"Ye."

Ye poked Gilbert's soft stomach with the tip of his pencil's eraser. "Kinda squishy there, huh? Almost like quicksand - if you put somethin' in it, your fat will suck it up. That is, unless you don't _eat it_ first." Gilbert stared emotionlessly at the bully. "You done?"

"Oh, I'm not even close, lard-ass."

* * *

Gilbert heaved when the bell rang. He logged off of the computer and packed his things. Surprisingly, the two boys did an impressive amount of work. Sure, Gilbert had to endure forty-five minutes of Ye's verbal abuse, but the info was gathered faster with two people. Just as Gilbert was exiting the computer section, a girl stood in front of him. She had a dark blush on her face and was shifting from foot to foot. She played with her long hair while whimpering, "U-uhm, I th-think you're really cool - a-awesome, even!" Gilbert would be lying if he said he wasn't flattered at all. The chick was cute, too.

She snatched Gilbert's wrist, dragging him into the unknown depths of the library. They suddenly stopped by a seemingly old wooden bookshelf with equally old books stacked in it. The books were ripped and dusty, and it was as if this part of the library hasn't been attended to in a long time. The girl smiled devilishly, the blush still present on her face. She looked almost . . . erotic.

"Great. Now we're alone," she lightly spoke. Gilbert gulped, backing away from her. Okay, maybe he was about to get laid, but he didn't want to get it on in the school, much less an abandoned portion of it. Gilbert's back hit a wall with a muffled thud. She was really, really close. The girl slid her slender fingers up his person, from his thighs to his stomach and finally, they rested on his chest. "You're kinda chubby," the girl giggled. Gilbert frowned. "But I like it. Too bad I don't like _you_." She shoved him and he fell back. Wait, wasn't that a wall? No, it was not a wall. It was a door.

He landed on the ground and saw the girl moving to close the door. Gilbert scrambled toward her, but was too late. The door was shut and locked from the outside. A knock echoed into the small room, "I got paid to do this, by the way. Can you guess who gave me the money? No hard feelings, but I would have done this even if I wasn't getting rewarded with a shit-ton of cash. You _are_ hot, but you're also a bigheaded loud-mouth that needs to quit stuffing himself with marshmallows that are the same color of his skin."

She paused, then said, "Damn, you are really pale. Whatever. Have fun in there, sweetie!"

Gilbert sat cross-legged on the wooden floor. He snickered bitterly. At the beginning of the period, he was thinking about how he would be forgotten in the library after being lost. He whipped out his cellphone and texted Francis. _**Stuck in some storage closet at the library. Come get me, beardie.** _ Gilbert remembered that Francis didn't have a beard anymore.

 ** _*beardless_**

Gilbert stared at the crack beneath the door. A dim light slipped through it, making the closet a little less darker. The stuff in there was clearly untouched, since there was dust on almost everything solid. The dust had dust. Gilbert tapped the floorboards in boredom. What was he supposed to do while he waited?

 _"Yes, yes. I'll give you the money tomorrow. Thank you."_

Ludwig said that on the phone yesterday. Was he the one who planned this? Ludwig would have Hell to pay! He texted, **_WTF?! Why did you pay her?!_**

 ** _I am in class._**

 ** _I don't give a shit! Tell me why you did it!_**

 ** _Feli needed the money. He and his family are very poor right now._**

 ** _But YOU are the one who paid HER_**

 ** _Yes, but I only bought the drugs so I could sell them to other people. I made them more expensive._**

 ** _What?_**

 ** _Didn't you find out that I was selling cocaine?_**

* * *

The ending is so bizarre wow. But it'll be more serious later on, trust me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer** **: I don't own Hetalia.**

 **Story Warnings** **: Depression, cutting/self-harm, Eating Disorder, and abuse.**

 **Chapter Rating** **: T**

 **Chapter Warning(s)** **: Cursing/mildly inappropriate language, mentions of self hatred, mentions of drug distribution, underaged pictures of nudity, and a panic attack.**

 **Notes : Francis' laugh is beautiful to everyone, straight or not. (2) The bully from the last chapter had a name change. It is now Ye.**

* * *

Gilbert snorted, then laughed until he couldn't breathe. That had to have been the most hilarious text message he had ever read in his entire life. He was glad for that thin sliver of joy today, and was thankful to his brother for cheering him up. Gilbert typed in "lmao" and hit the send button. Ludwig didn't answer back, most likely because he didn't want to risk getting into trouble again.

"How long have I been in here?" he muttered to himself. His question was answered when the bell rang for the second time that day. Gilbert leaned back on the bookshelf behind him, thinking of how he would prank Ludwig for doing this. Briefly, Gilbert wondered if the culprit was even his stoic younger brother. If it was him, then why did he do it? He was pretty sure that Ludwig never joked about anything, too.

Stomach dropping, Gilbert sat up straight. _He never jokes about anything_.

Was Ludwig kidding when he sent that text? Probably not.

If he was caught, could he get into some serious trouble? Absolutely.

Gilbert's phone rang, breaking his thoughts. He picked it up and waited for the caller to speak first, not trusting his voice. "Where in the library are you? I was able to slip away by asking to use the bathroom," Francis said through the speaker. Gilbert forced himself to temporarily forget about Ludwig's accidental revelation, "All the way in the freaking back, stuck in some dusty-ass closet full of dusty-ass books written by dusty-ass people."

"How very descriptive of you," Francis replied sarcastically.

Minutes later, the door was opened and Gilbert was freed. The two boys high-fived each other and patted the other's back. "Thanks for getting me out of there."

"No problem . . ." Francis scanned Gilbert, squinting his eyes suspiciously. "You look troubled. Is everything okay?" Gilbert wanted to laugh at that. What a funny question it was. In his head, he imagined what would happen if he told Francis the truth:

 _'I'm being bullied and I kinda hate myself . . .'_

 _Que Francis' annoying (yet strangely attractive) laugh._

There was no way Gilbert would tell anyone that he felt like shit. Besides, just like always, it was going to be fine. It was _always_ fine. _He_ was fine.

Totally.

Gilbert shrugged his shoulders. "Everything is awesome. You need glasses if you can't see that."

Francis disregarded the glasses comment by nodding his head. Though, he was still suspicious.

The two boys left the library unseen. At least they would have been unseen if they were actually unseen. That librarian was a ninja.

* * *

Francis stuffed the detention slip neatly in his pocket as Gilbert crumpled it up and threw it in the trash.

"Detention is such a waste of time," Gilbert said.

"Yes, and so is hanging out with you," Francis joked. Gilbert stared wide-eyed at his friend, a tinge of hurt swimming inside of them. Francis did not notice the horrified look on Gilbert's face, nor did he notice him begin to trail behind. Eyes brimming with tears, Gilbert clenched his fists. Out of no where, something within him told him how much of a burden he was to others. It told him that his friends didn't really like him, and that they were just being nice. It told him that Gilbert was too stupid and obnoxious to have any _real_ friends. It told him that he shouldn't trust anyone, because they were going to use his weaknesses against him.

But that was ridiculous, so Gilbert tried his best to ignore them. To fight back.

"Are you okay?" Francis repeated what he had asked before. "You look a bit pale."

"Very funny, Francis. I'm 'whiter than a marshmallow', as some might say."

Francis raised an eyebrow. "Okay?"

After a long moment of silence, Gilbert groaned loudly, remembering that he had to go to gym next period.

Francis laughed. "Having fun there?"

"Not at all. I have to go to the worst class _ever_ soon."

"Science," Francis agreed.

"What?"

"Science."

"Why science?"

"It is the only class where I have no chemistry."

"Is that supposed to be a pun?"

"Yes, pretty good, no?"

"No. Next time you make a pun, please shut your fucking mouth."

"Someone's salty. That explains the dry personality," Francis whined.

" _Next time you make a pun, please shut your fucking mouth._ "

The two friends continued their meaningless banter, enjoying each others company.

* * *

Just as Gilbert had predicted, gym was _shit._ Of course, in a normal scenario, he would have loved gym. He was good at it and he absolutely crushed people. One time, he _literally_ crushed someone when he tackled them during a football game.

But the vengeful potato lord made it obvious he was pissed at Gilbert for eating his less-but-still-godlike potato children when he put Gilbert in the same class as three bullies.

 _Three!_

Gilbert had to look around before he could change, and when he worked up the guts to take a shower, he had to cover himself. He didn't want them to poke fun at his body, and the fact that they could see him under a shirt made him want to fucking throw up. _He hated it._

Like always, he came to gym extra early so he wouldn't have to deal with the bullies' knife-like words. But today had already gone down to shit, so he wasn't entirely surprised that Ye was in the locker room even earlier than Gilbert. The teenager made his way to his gym locker and opened it, taking off his T-Shirt and jeans. He was only in his boxers, so anyone could clearly see his slightly rounded stomach and meaty thighs. His heart dropped when he heard laughter and saw the flash of a camera.

"Aw, man! The guys are gonna love this!"

Gilbert's tongue felt heavy in his mouth. Ye took another picture, capturing the other boy's surprise. When Gilbert had finally realized what was going on, he tried to cover himself up, and Ye's camera snapped again. Gilbert's face changed from shock to humiliation, then from sadness to utter despair.

Ye had taken pictures of every shift of emotion Gilbert had, laughing all the way through, and he wanted to cry.

He quickly got his clothes on, attempting to ignore his shaking hands. Tears welled up in his eyes and he couldn't say anything, and Ye took pictures of his disgusting, gross, fat body, and-

Gilbert was freaking out.

His breathing quickened and the world spun. Gilbert was having a heart attack. He was dying.

He felt nothing, saw nothing, and heard nothing other than his pounding headache and the pain in his chest. He was dying. _He was dying. Hewasdyinghewasdyinghewasdying!_

He didn't want to die. But he _was_ and there was nothing he could do about it.

Gilbert shivered and passed out, unaware that Ye had left the locker room to ask for help.


End file.
